sadness and fear

lonlinessThere will always be struggles, problems and things that we wish we could do differently. I have to stop here and say… life happens!

Issues, things and events – shape you into who you are. The bumps and bruises that come along with life, are the things that mold us into who we are today.


I reflect now upon the people that have made their mark in my life the most – the broken hearted. Those who by choice or chance, have or have not dealt with the anxieties and stress that have come their way.

We all deal with life’s imperfections differently – some people take up a sport, go to church; while others find comfort in creating a perfect (often spotless) atmosphere around them, some find comfort in gaining control of things around them – while others can delve into addictions, thrive off chaos or participate in extremely dangerous activities.

However you deal with life’s challenges is up to you. But I do have to say, what you do – even to yourself; affect’s the people you love and those around you.

After all that is said and done in life – Are you ready – today – to face your life challenges and transform your fear into personal transformation?

What can make us most powerful in our lives is a simple willingness to identify and transform our circumstances into epic victories.

The most powerful change starts inside of each one of us. As we work on ourselves – the exterior things begin to not seem so overwhelming. Sometimes it is the simple fear that we harness that controls us.

Fear can come in many different forms. Fear can come from the feelings of:
– Abandonment = fear of being alone.
– Rejection = fear of being unwanted.
– Shame = fear of being unworthy.
– Inferiority = fear of being worthless.
– Arrogance = feeling you are entitled to everything.
– Damage = fear of being hurt.

Many of these feelings are lies that we begin to believe about ourselves – because by fault they have been repeated to us verbally by others. Take a moment and reflect on this question, when did you first begin to feel those feelings?


Many feelings begin in childhood and follow into adulthood. As a child we are very new and sensitive to the world around us – everything around us is big and more intense. For example, someone that I knew told me a story about how they remembered washing dishes with their mom at the age of 6. They said the water seemed so hot that they couldn’t put their hands in it and they began to cry, but their mother would put their hands in with ease and couldn’t understand how their child was so sensitive to the water temperature. Their perception was each different. Now that my friend is older, they can put the hands in the same water with ease. With age we begin to become more callused and we are able to deal with life’s challenges much easier. Unfortunately, some people choose to not grow up.

When dealing with core life challenges we often respond in different ways. It may also take on a new route and change our personality and who we are as a result of the burden. On the outside we may seem fine, but on the inside there may be inner turmoil and sadness.

Sometimes, as a result of the fear we can begin to overcompensate for our feelings and this can lead to unconscious behaviors:
– When we feel abandoned, it can result in the feeling that you need to belong. In order to feel deeper feelings you need a sense of participation. You join groups and engagements in order to fill your need and sense of belonging.
– When you feel rejection, you can often reject others more easily. You try to make yourself seem important.
– When you feel shame, it can result in being overly giving and nice to people.
– When we feel inferior, it can result in feeling you need to prove your better than others around you.
– When you are arrogant, it can result in feeling no one can match you.
– When you are damaged, it can result in acting very humble and making themselves feel great, even when they are sad.

When considering change, you might want to ask yourself the following questions:

– Why am I feelings the feelings I feel? Why am I overcompensating or hiding my pain? Is it to deal with the anxiety and stress? What purpose does the behavior serve for you?

You can’t change what you don’t admit or acknowledge. You have to admit things to yourself!
– Are you hiding or numbing your anxiety, depression and pain?

It’s important to think rationally. This may take an extra step to ask other people how your behavior is impacting those around you. You may not even realize that you have been hurting others by your actions or choices.

break the habit

People often don’t break bad habits; they replace it with new habits – often addictions. Many people seek rewards from smoking, alcohol and drugs – to lift their spirit. It is a false belief that it numbs the pain from your life. The reality is – it is hurting others around you! We often use coping mechanisms to help us get through. If this is you, consider an alternative technique – consider replacing your addition/situation with a breathing exercise or relaxation technique.

Transform your fears into victories! Each day, when you are confronted with your feelings…
* If you feel abandoned, tell yourself you are worthy of love and that you can safely share yourself and your love with others.
* If you feel rejection, tell yourself that people enjoy your personality; you are an interesting and attractive person.
* If you feel shame, tell yourself that the past is a stepping-stone toward a brighter future. You are given another chance for a reason. That you can shed light upon others by being the change you want to see in the world.
* If you feel inferior, tell yourself that you are a valuable person that is loved. That you can make meaningful contributions to the world.
* If you feel arrogant, tell yourself that you can learn from other people and circumstances around you. Tell yourself that you see the goodness in the world, everyone around you and those you meet.
* If you feel damaged, tell yourself that you choose to love those around you. That you are worthy of love and happiness. That you are complete just as you are. You have been brought out of the situation for a reason. You can help others who have been through what you have been through.

Recognize your danger zones. If you can anticipate that at a particular time of day or a circumstance entices a certain reaction – begin your breathing or relaxation exercises instead. If you get though the two or three moments of impulse, then the feelings will go away. By recognizing your danger zones and having something else in place, one that is positive – you can set yourself up for success!

Much of overcoming is not willpower, it is programming. You have to set your life up for success if you are going to lead a life of victories. You may have to change the place you frequent, who you hang out with and what you do for fun – but you are worth it! Your family is worth it! Your life is worth it!

Overcoming can be difficult, but it can be done. When you see yourself making progress, you have to motivate yourself to keep going. Reward your every baby step of progress – with a positive thought or action. You can begin first by admitting to your feelings, recognizing your behavior, responding with positive reinforcement and asking for help from others around you.

Create awareness about how and when your life challenge is triggered. Notice when you begin telling yourself the same old story. Begin to look for these thoughts and when it happens, remind yourself of your deeper intention and shift your old self-image into the new, brighter way of being and living. Recognize your fear or situation as an invitation to growth and advancement. You have to make the choice toward total transformation!

Recognize your fears and work on accepting and understanding all parts of yourself and your challenges. Don’t suppress your fears and hide – open the door up to transformation and allow yourself to naturally access your beautiful deeper essence.

Set aside time to explore your challenges. Challenge the wording or your feelings. Write down your life purpose and intentions! What is the purpose of life for you? This can help you to move though life with greater focus and clarity every day. Set clear intentions – by doing so, it can make it much easier to navigate through stormy waters.

Ask yourself – honestly: What is most important to me in life? What are my deepest values and beliefs?

Give yourself time to explore these questions. Notice what touches and inspires you. Write down your answers or thoughts and revisit your answers to help guide you through your tough times. Invite your divine guidance and inner wisdom to help you with this.

Deep down we are a beautiful being worthy of love and support. Just like the sweet innocence of babies and young children – we too wish for acceptance and love. We are just like small children, but in big bodies. We only develop wisdom and strength from experiences and events. Take off the mask that hides the layers of fear and insecurity… accept life and the changes it brings – for wisdom and great knowledge comes from these. Buried beneath the layers of fear, anger, shame, guilt, inadequacy, insecurities – is a beautiful, shining core that is waiting to be released.

Transforming fear is like peeling away layers of a grape – Some grapes may be more sour than others (life experiences), often having soft spots (feelings), but in the middle is a beautiful seed (your inner self) that will go on to grow an abundant vine (life experiences) that can feed life to others. What grape do you want to be – one that withers away or one that bares abundant fruit?

Often people will find that you make a significant breakthrough, only to find the same challenge manifesting in other ways, but in more subtle forms. Once you begin to peel away the external layers of your fears, you will find your life to be more meaningful and enjoyable than it was before.

Choosing to deal with life experiences and challenges will make you feel more alive and more connected with yourself and those around you. You will also find that it will inspire you to participate in life more fully and build a brighter future for you.

Choose today to work towards a positive change that will develop and strengthen you!

There are support networks, people around you and others who have been there – that can become a part of your support team! You just have to reach out and take baby steps!

Create your epic victories today!